The Better Things About the Mission to P4X673
by EmilyM
Summary: The chief's daughters were identical twins. Humor.


Title: The Better Things About the Mission to P4X-673 Author: Emily Challenge: Doubles Warnings: None Spoilers: None Pairing: Sam/Daniel

The chief's daughters were identical twins. They were tall, leggy, dark haired, green eyed twins who found Colonel O'Neill fascinating and hadn't left his side since the feast began about--Sam glanced down at her watch--three hours ago. She sighed. This is fun, she thought. What more could a girl want out of a feast than to be relegated to the table at the back of the tent with Garlen, the chief's third cousin once removed, and Tanden, the eighty year old medicine woman with the severe flatulence problem?

Tanden let another one rip. Medicine woman heal thyself, Sam thought. "Can I go home now?" she muttered.

"You can't leave now. We still have to sample the local delicacy. It's made with the intestines of something that looks like a chipmunk but isn't." Sam looked up, startled to see Daniel standing next to her. "Mind if I sit?"

"You aren't ashamed to be seen at the freak table, are you?"

Daniel snorted and sat. "It's just like high school."

Sam looked at him. "And that makes this better how?"

Daniel shrugged and watched as Colonel O'Neill attempted to extradite himself from a particularly inappropriate position with Giana (or was it Liane?) and failed. He leaned over and whispered conspiratorially, "Jack has a thing for twins."

Sam grinned and leaned over, also whispering, "I figured that out about two hours ago."

Next to her Garlen grabbed her thigh. Again. Sam grabbed his hand and found the pressure point. She squeezed hard. Garlen made a sound between a scream and a squeak and up at the chief's table Colonel O'Neill tossed one of the twins off of him and stood up. "Carter?" he called. "Everything okay?"

The noise in the tent had suddenly diminished as everyone was afraid their honored guest might have been offended in some way. Kill one fifteen foot poisonous reptile and the people make you a hero, Sam thought. "We're fine, sir."

The Colonel looked at her for a few seconds more before nodding once and sitting back down. The twins returned in force. Garlen seemed to take her last rebuke as final and wandered off in search of a more receptive body. "He has nothing against hermaphrodites, apparently," she said with a pointed glance.

Daniel ducked his head. "Sorry," he muttered for the fifteenth time since that morning. It wasn't his fault really. He had been trying to explain to a people who had never even dreamed of a female warrior that their women did some things that were traditionally male and, well, things had gotten confused. Hence Sam's being directed to the back with the other misfits of society.

Daniel sniffed the air suddenly. "What..."

Sam jerked her head in the direction of Tanden. Daniel's mouth formed into a perfect little 'o'. "You've been putting up with this for three hours?"

"I went out for some air about fifteen minutes into the party," Sam said.

"Okay," Daniel said, "time for another break. Come on." He caught Colonel O'Neill's attention and mimed going for a walk, then started heading for the entrance to the tent.

Sam looked at Tanden and followed after him. "Won't our hosts be offended?"

"As long as they have their honored guest, they're fine," Daniel said. She apparently wasn't the only one smarting from being ignored all evening. At least Daniel had gotten to sit at the socially acceptable table. It was dark outside and the air was cool, but not unpleasant and much fresher than the air inside the tent. "Chief Haylen is trying to marry off at least one of the Midges to Jack."

"Midges?" Sam asked.

"Barbie's friend Midge," Daniel said. "The one with the dark hair."

Sam looked at him. "Daniel, this is why people wonder about you sometimes."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "When Nick refused to take me in I went to live with my Mom's cousin. She had a massive doll collection." He paused. "I used to sleep in the room with the Barbie dolls. I had nightmares about that until I was in my twenties"

Sam wasn't really sure what she was supposed to say to that so she didn't say anything. They walked along the edges of the camp. It was mostly quiet since the whole village was at the feast. Her initial soil samples had turned up nothing and the technology of these people was barely iron age. They had nothing to offer except their friendship, but--sexism aside--they were good people and in a big universe, sometimes friends were more valuable than naquada.

She wouldn't have minded if they'd had naquada, though.

They walked out further, past the tents and to the grasslands. Sam was surprised when she felt Daniel's hand slip into hers. She stopped. "We're on a mission," she said, trying to sound stern. She didn't let go.

"We're alone."

"As long as you don't try to--"

Daniel kissed her. On a mission...On a mission...On a mission...Daniel's a really good kisser.

When he pulled away Daniel was grinning at her. Sam wasn't sure if she wanted to yell at him for taking such a stupid risk or drag him down into the grass and have her way with him right there. She didn't get the chance to decide.

They weren't so far from the party that they didn't hear the commotion when it happened. Her radio came to life and she heard Teal'c say, "Major Carter, it may be necessary for you to return to the party. Chief Hayden has taken offense at something O'Neill told his daughter."

Translation: the honored guest had put his honored foot in his honored mouth. "We're on our way," Sam said.

In the end, Colonel O'Neill got married and divorced--twice--in the span of twenty minutes and Sam decided she liked P4X-673 after all. 


End file.
